BrokennBeyonddRepairr

You don’t understand that I don’t just want to see you, but I need to see you. You don’t understand that you keep me going. Your voice, your laugh, your smile, your hugs. It’s all what keeps me from giving up. I don’t just want that, I need that.

That moment when you feel like crying but you can’t and you realize you’ve already cried out all your tears but the pain is still there.

I never knew it was possible to feel this way about someone. To miss them every single day you’re not with them. To actually have your heart ache for them. To get butterflies and all excited when you know you’re gonna see them soon. To have your heart race at the sound of their voice. To want them by your side every single night you lay in bed. To want to be with them. To wish to be with them even if you know you have no chance. But most of all, that even if you’re not a part of it, to wish and hope and pray for them to be happy.

The only thing that helps me get thru nights like these when I can’t sleep and feel so alone is thinking about those nights that I fell asleep with her in my arms and even if it was just for a few hours, everything was okay, actually everything was perfect. My heart would be racing and I actually felt alive. Those nights gave me hope that I could feel again, maybe even be happy again. I’d do anything to have that every single night or even just one more time. I guess my memories of those nights will have to be enough for me.

How can you move on from your past when you live in a place where everything you see reminds you of your mistakes, your regrets, everything you’ve tried to forget?

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so broken. So alone. So useless. So hopeless. I need you but you don’t need me. Seems like that’s how it always goes. I’ve never felt truly needed or maybe even truly loved. I have a big caring heart. But that heart is what’s gonna kill me.